Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
