I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will be naked everywhere
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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