1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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