wakey wakey hands off snakey
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude. I can hear the air.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
