I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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