what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
