just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
only you would photoshop your dick
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
