this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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