can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
