Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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