Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My balls are so social today.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
