Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
