Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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