Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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