WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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