idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
