lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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