it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
