Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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