Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ambien. No doubt about it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
