I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
These tits shall not be calmed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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