I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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