Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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