hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So much rum. So many feels.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
