Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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