I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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