we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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