Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
