So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
