If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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