If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bring me that man meat
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
