there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
