dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
