I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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