do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
