You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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