At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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