When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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