And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
