My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
