I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
