If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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