Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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