we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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