my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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