I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Be still, my beating vagina.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
