i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
