porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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