i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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