Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
