The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
