# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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