either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
