So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
