Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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